One reason parents put off critical conversations, in which case talk difficult college, because they feel conversations can jeopardize the relationship.
This is why the "how" of the discussion is essential.
When I discuss difficult things with my millennials, I begin by choosing a time when we are all relaxed and there is no tension in the air (yes, with teenagers, find the moment magic can be a miracle).
a good option is to get them out of their favorite meal or a Frappuccino.
Second, it is important to start with something along the lines of "You know that I love you and I want your future to be as bright as possible. I want you to succeed. "
This sets up the conversation in a positive light.
You could also make this atmosphere assertion by adding something like," going to college these days is a huge challenge and I admire your desire to get your education. I'm so proud of you because you live in a different world than I did 20 years ago, and pay for college is much more difficult. "
This lets them know you are proud of them and adds a measure of humility on your side too.
Implement ABC of getting your student to talk.
as you have conversations about college, remember the success of ABC in getting your student to talk.
Precision
you need to get your facts together because you lose credibility if you pull numbers out of the air. for example, if you say, "Going to College X will cost a dollar gazillion. "
instead, go to a college cost calculator to ensure that your figures are accurate.
Brevity
one of the skills I had to learn an author who made radio and television interviews is how to speak in sound bites.
With 1,0 interviews under my belt, I can go into sound bite mode and keep the dialog going with my teenagers.
My husband, a fighter pilot who has never had to shorten his memoirs flights, was recently told by his boss that he pontificates too.
so we developed a hand signal that I give him so he knows when he sounds like, "blah, blah, blah" in a cat.
Since we have both agreed to hand signal in advance, it offended (charades is the symbol for "little word" just in case you think there a wayward finger involved). It works like a champ!
Clarity
Let your children know in their terms, even $ 40,000 of student loan debt like their future.
If they pay $ 500 a month in loans (or $ 800 or $ 1,000), then this is equivalent to having to live at home to make ends meet.
or it might look like to be forced to have 3-4 roommates to pay the bills based on an average salary of $ 38,000 / year after graduation.
It also means the difference between driving a nice car or take public transport.
One can even say that once they are married and have children, they may not have the ability to allow a parent to stay home with the child because the two partners must work to pay student loans.
stick to your guns - but not shoot yourself in the foot
Before you have the critical chat with your senior high school student or course you need! to have this same conversation with yourself and / or your spouse.
You should ask yourself the following questions and come up with the answer that will set the limits of your own financial future and your child.
Remember, if you take advantage of your future retirement for their college expenses, then you will do them a long-term service because perhaps financial burden that you have them .
One of the best things you can do for your child is to be financially independent to need monetary help for your own retirement. Tweet this
Here are 8 questions you must first set
- how their cost of education each school they are considering? Estimate a college cost calculator.
- What is the income they can expect to earn from a job using their major or their profession? Go to Salary.com to calculate.
- How much money will they need after scholarships and grants to complete their college education? Go to FastWeb to find 1.5 million scholarships.
- what they expect to do every summer between college semesters and / or during the year of a part-time job? (It is better to underestimate what they can do).
- How much money is saved by going to a community college (living at home) for the first two years?
- How many of your 529 and other savings plans can help you with college costs?
- What is the expected amount of student loans they need and students interest rate loans> and how much they will pay per month and for how long? See my free tools to calculate the repayment of debt.
- How much student loan debt can take you to your name without jeopardizing your retirement?
Once you have answered these questions and come to an understanding of what you can contribute, while critical discussion with your student about what is really possible in terms of choice colleges and what is impossible.
Here are some friendly reminders to help you stick to your guns during this difficult college conversation with your children:
HELOCs
never a Home Equity line of credit to pay for college. Tweet this
You have to keep the equity in your home for your own retirement nest egg. Do not damage your own future to pay for your child's future
It goes in the direction of the flight attendant when she gives instructions for the oxygen mask :. "If you are traveling with children, choose your own mask first, then help your child."
If you go unconscious financially because of a HELOC, then you can not help your child's future .
401 (k) s
Never borrow from a 401 (k) to pay for college for the same reasons that the HELOC. Tweet this
co-Signatures
not ready not co-sign unless you can repay the WHOLE loan in full as you assume the same risk as your child.
One of our children have decided to try to go to a college that we do not support because it was too expensive.
Our child has tried to make us co-sign a loan of $ 20,000 for the value of a half of expenditure and we refused.
the result was a tense relationship, but in the long run, we stuck to our guns and had the painful task of watching this child to learn life's lessons the hard way.
Collateral
Never put your home as collateral for a student loan. Tweet this
I had the unfortunate experience of seeing well-meaning parents lose their homes because their child defaults on private student loans where parents have up that kind of guarantee.
In fact, do not put up any kind of guarantee for any type of student loan.
A new mantra
not enough parents. have these critical conversations with their students and sooner is better than later when it comes time to have the tough talk
We have developed a mantra with our children and it was
I will go to school where I can get the best education possible for the least amount of student loan debt.
Remember that your child can not go into significant debt student loan without help from you (or another cosignator).
Therefore, it is not like they have leverage when they respond with "I'm 18, I can do what I want and I'll Berkeley."
Um, in fact, they can not go there unless they got a full driving scholarship, inherited a trust fund was $ 0,000 or a rich uncle decide to cover their expenses.
they can not get a lot of student loan debt without your signature.
they may need a paradigm shift that helps them see the reality of their situation and this is the new mantra comes.
for us, this mantra has led to 7 degrees without college student loan debt schools like Stanford (2013), USNA (2011), USAFA (2015), USMA (2017) , University of Texas (09), and Moody Institute (2012).
It also meant our students received scholarships, worked part-time during the year, worked during the summer have obtained internships, found a research assistant job, got the dual credit enrollment, received credit for their AP exams and achieved hours for CLEP tests.
If we can do it, you can do it as well and it all started with a series of critical discussions.
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